tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466314672723988836.post8825967412035529840..comments2023-09-30T00:43:13.890-07:00Comments on The Current Season: Big Shots: Andy Warhol’s Polaroids of Celebrities, January 8 – February 26, 2011moderatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07653277482083573538noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466314672723988836.post-71726533269674204682011-03-05T13:27:07.417-08:002011-03-05T13:27:07.417-08:00As a starters, the beginning of your opening sente...As a starters, the beginning of your opening sentence is a tad bit too long and isn’t as gripping an opening as you may have intended it to be. Perhaps begin your sentence with “tiny eyes stare, seduce, and surround remark” that will certainly catch the readers’ intrigue.<br /><br />You concisely create a balanced relationship between the gallery settings and the works without falling into the trap of prioritising the gallery space. The reader thus is afforded a comprehensive understanding of how each factor corresponds with one another.<br /><br />You smartly continue this relationship as your opening topic sentence for the second paragraph but unfortunately, it too is unnecessarily long and unclear. I don’t think you assert any real point by stating the informality of their execution and presentation. What is valid and highly informative (and thus should be written into the first sentence of your second paragraph) is the personal connection established by the artist through the contextualised neat framing, and the Polaroid’s tactile quality as a print medium.<br /><br />The rest of the analysis is accurately and objectively efficient. What is important to point out is, while you have composed strong bodies within your paragraphs…it is the opening sentences that can make or break your body paragraphs. Just a few tweaks with sentence length and clarity and this review becomes an informative piece of writing.DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431774421171101270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8466314672723988836.post-48210520908414271112011-03-02T21:05:28.160-08:002011-03-02T21:05:28.160-08:00The first sentence is a little to long and awkward...The first sentence is a little to long and awkward. I like that you throws us into the situation with your experience of entering the gallery, the sentence “tiny eyes stare…” could be a great start of the text, and then you could follow up with the facts. <br /><br />The first sentence in the second paragraph is also to long and somewhat confusing. If your point is that the photos, even in a white box context, still are informal, you could make that statement clearer. Why is the setting of a white Chelsea gallery a problem? The rest of your argumentation about that the Polaroid’s intimacy and vulnerability is clear and beautiful written!Anna Sörensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02645969689541410777noreply@blogger.com